Day 167: Give and Receive

Write about giving and receiving.

Every relationship in your life is a give and take, a push and pull, a transaction essentially. That may sound callous and cold but it’s true. We go throughout life giving to people and expecting reciprocation, whether that’s friendship advice, helping your neighbor move, being treated with respect or whatever. This is all transactional.

So when someone upset that balance, it can feel like we’ve been robbed or that we paid for something that we never got in the mail.

For example, I’ve had to learn the hard way not to throw myself into every single friendship or relationship because more often than not it ended badly for me. I’ve had to let go of friends in the past who have, time and time again, failed to be as good of a friend to me as I am to them. It’s the little things that hurt the most sometimes. Always having to be the one to start the conversation, chasing after them to hang out with you, feeling like they talk shit about you behind your back; all of these things can leave a person feeling like they’re in a one-sided friendship or not in a real friendship at all.

And here’s the kicker: it’s both a personal problem and a THEM problem. Some people just aren’t meant to be in these kinds of relationships with each other. People tend to exacerbate this problem by trying to “fix” the person who isn’t measuring up. That’s a no-no. You cannot and should not fix anyone. That’s not your job.

As I said before, it took me awhile to figure out what exactly I wanted out of the relationships in my life. And assessing that and taking action to make yourself feel good is inherently selfish but that’s not a bad thing. Being selfish and self-care go hand-in-hand. You should never bend or break yourself to make it work, it should work because it was meant to.

Every human relationship is a give and receive. There’s a balance to everything. Don’t upset that balance and then be surprised when someone gets hurt.