Write from the viewpoint of a cactus – what’s it like to live in the dessert or have a “prickly personality”?

Oh, look. More people. I hope they try to touch me. So I can stick them with one of my needles. 

Man, I sure hate humans. Half my friends died out here because of all these crazy weather pattern changes. 

Doug the Prickly Pear next door claims that the Great Barrier Reef is dying!! Dying???? Can you imagine? 

I don't believe him though because A) humans can't be that fucking stupid to destroy the only planet they can live on and B) Doug's a bitch and a pathological liar. Fuck Doug.

There's a little girl approaching. I bristled in the wind. Get away from me, kid, where the fuck are you parents? I hate kids even more than adults. They're just tinier, smellier, dumber versions of grown-ups.

"Mama! Can I have the pretty flower?" The little inchworm asked her stupid mother.

No, you may not touch Maria the Mammillaria's petals, you little dick! Didn't your parents teach you not to put your hands on organisms without their consent?

"No, Katie, no!" The idiotic mother finally noticed her dumb kid about to grab a fistful of needles and stopped her. 

Damn, that would've been one helluva life lesson!

God, I can't wait until this heat wave is over.